Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Grease coulda been your word

cuz we might have used it to lube you out of those jeans, honey. LOLLOL

Oh, that was soooooo mean, but--let me explain.

So tonight my kid had a chorus concert. Now, he participates UNWILLINGLY in this because in 6th grade he has no choice but to.

Me? I lurve it because most times I know all the songs he's singing and I'm ready to hit that. I also lurve that he hates it. Dude, we all gotta do what we don't want to do, I tell him. I feed you, don't I? Isn't that me out there making some kick-ass dinners for you and the beast you call brother? Er, yeah. I HATE to cook, but I do it. You hate to sing, but it's REQUIRED. Thus, a life lesson has ensued, right?

Anyhoodles--my kid's concert tonight was a HOOT. They sang, of all things, Grease songs. Ohhhhh, when I found out those were the songs--I put them on my I-pod and sang them while I cooked those life lesson dinners every night for a month.

Sooooooooo--tonight's the big night and I'm pumped, stoked, ready to do the wave. I was not ready for what happened next.

I sit behind this woman and at first, I have no clue what the people around me are giggling maniacally about.

And then, I drop my program and come face-to-face with the whitest, biggest piece o butt crack evah! Seriously, she rivaled any Draino engineer. Now, really, wouldn't you want to know if your ass was hanging out and everyone was making fun of you? I think sometimes, we tend to forget our age and I'm all about viv la difference--to each his own. HOWEVER, if you couldn't feel the draft of that--you were NUMB. LOL.

Everyone is laughing and I feel bad. I make a snap decision...

Soooooooooooo--I lean forward (after a Tic-Tac, mind you) and whisper to her--you might want to give that sweater, which, btw is TOTALLY IN your color wheel, a tug DOWNWARD. Because I can see your hiney and I know if it were me, I'd want someone to tell me. She turns many shades of crimson and thanks me, but I get the feeling she isn't really grateful. However, if she knew how everyone was laughing--she send me tiaras for a year.

So--they sing and I gotta say, my kid don't screw around. he's an A+ student and grades mean everything to him--if, by God, there's an A to be had, he wants it. When he got up there, in the last row cuz he's tall for his age, he greased anything he could touch like John Travolta had possessed him. LOLLOL

He was SO into you're the one that I want, I thought we might have to offer him a hankie to wipe his brow. LMAO

Oddly, today I got a note in the mail from his chorus teacher. She says he shows great promise and musical talent and she wants him back next year. Now, I look at this thing and think--you ain't talkin about MY kid. I don't want to Simon Cowell him, but he couldn't hold a note if you put it in his lunch bag.

Seriously--he's THAT bad and I'm a firm believer in being honest about it. I don't want him headin' off to like American Idol and having him come back after they've wiped the floor with him and saying--why didn't you tell me?

Kid can't sing--period. LOLLOLLOLLOL.

So I figure they need to keep kids in the program to keep the program. Some schools want to cut music altogether--which I think sucks, but I also don't think we should LIE to them and make them think they have a shot at singing when they CAN'T sing.

And my kid CAN'T sing. he gets a big fat A for effort and doing the Hand Jive like a pro--but he CAN'T sing. So I tell him about the note and he snorts. I snort too. I ask if he wants to go on to next year and he says, yeah--it's an easy A and I don't really sing anyway. I mouth the words and do AWESOME hand gestures.


DC :)


  • At 9:09 PM, Anonymous Sheryl said…

    Seriously, she shouldn't have even worn something that tight.

    Maybe she was hitting her childhood again? *shrug*

    Congrats to your son for tackling something that he obviously doesn't want to do, but then that is the way of life, just like the color wheel, where yellow and me just don't mix.


    PS - May come back soon, depends on life.

  • At 9:54 PM, Blogger Terri said…

    LMAO - So did you do the hand jive? Sounds like it was a fun time.

  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger Jaynie R said…

    Sherylllllllllllllllllll - look Kota, Sheryl was here. She never visits anymore.

    I'm thinking Cam's right. It's an easy A *snerk* ...and we all need awesome hand gestures for an American Idol audition with Simon *g*

  • At 5:58 AM, Blogger Bonita said…

    LOLLOL -- well, we are all for the easy A's, so why not! Cameron sounds like he has his act together. Glad you had fun.

  • At 6:59 AM, Blogger Michelle said…

    morning, chicken dumpling

    tell cam i'm so proud of him for getting out there and at least trying. i do believe james did the same thing - lip the words and nail the hand gestures ~grinz~.

    so for the poor cracked woman - you did the right thing, babe.


  • At 8:30 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    hey, Sheryl!!! baby, come back! Hope all is well :)

    Ter--yeah, I did the hand jive--so? LOL

    Jaynie--If Simon heard my kid sing--he'd lieave the biz altogether. I'm just sayin'. LOLLOL

    B/C and Michelle-- I would want someone to tell me fer sure. Just knowing the whole back half of the audience was laughing at herbefore I sat down made me feel really bad for her and YAY easy A. LMAO

    DC :)

  • At 3:13 AM, Blogger Sam said…

    Aww - that is funny!
    Great hand gestures, lol.
    It could be worse - he could NOT be able to sing and yet absolutely Want to. Now that would be heartbreaking. (And ear splitting, lol.)

  • At 2:16 AM, Anonymous Paula said…

    Were you tempted to drop something in there??? Like a quarter or an ice cube??

    See, I always think of the mean things before I do the right thing and warn them.......

    Cam is probably relieved that he can cruise his way to an easy A with a few well-placed hand gestures. He won't be able to find another gig like that his whole life - unless he is on the NY Cabbie career path.


  • At 6:07 PM, Blogger mscelina said…

    LMAO! Oh dear...the color wheel....stop! STOP!

    That hurts.


  • At 7:50 PM, Blogger Michelle Pillow said…

    LOL, I'll be singing that song all night now.

  • At 6:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'll let him borrow my "Sing Along With Trent" records if it'll help.

    ~R - The Champ


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