Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Dear Wannabe Princess Erica...

Yeah, I'm gettin' my weekly dose of freak on by watching the Bachelor Rome. I know, I know. I'm addicted to reality TV, but I couldn't help myself when I read a prince was lookin' for a squeeze.

Maybe Prince Lorenzo is in need of some cash? The castle walls are in need of repair? The guest cottage out yonder needs new carpeting? What, I ask you -- what possessed you to hit the airwaves looking for a wife -- a princess wife no less??

I don't want to judge you, darling. You seem LOVELY. You're polite. You have fantabulous manners. You're well spoken and you even admitted to liking people for who they are. Not because they have college degrees ect. You like "life" experience. Nice, that was very nice. Sweet even. Kind too and all the good things Prince Charming should be.

Well then, WTF were you taking when you picked ERICA after her abysmal, shallow admission that she despises commoners? Yes, she really used the word "commoner". I think I choked on my Kettle chips. This woman had the utter audacity to make herself very clear about where she stands on people who have no college educations. Never mind the blue collar worker. She likes to have intelligent conversations, she claims. Clearly she didn't pay attention in college when her vocab word of the week was intelligent--because anyone who behaves as shabbily as she does? Well, she just didn't have her listening ears on that day.

Erica lists herself as a socialite. She really does. That's her claim to fame. She doesn't work and I do believe she has absolutely no ambition to. She whined to the host because she had to share a room with other (big gasp now) contestants and that no maid was going to come and make her bed for her.

Look, sissy pants, we not-so-socialites make our beds everyday and, check this, we wipe our own asses too. I know, cookie, you just can't believe it, but it's the God's honest truth. I even buy the TP to do it. I know, that was a revelation on par with the location of the Holy Grail for you, right? LOLLOLLOLLOL

So get a hold of yourself, would you? I always thought tards like you were made up. I mean, I joke all the time about being a princess, but I dont actually live that way. I almost never twirl my hair in RL. I almost never do the valley girl-speak unless I'm mocking in jest. However, you, my little vixen, are a total pro. You can work an OMIGOD like a frazzled nerve.

now to top things off, after Erica made this admission and Lorenzo firmly held his ground by telling her he liked people from all walks of life, he STILL picked her at the rose ceremony. When he had a perfectly good coupla wneches he could have substituted. Really, there were far fairer maidens in the land to be had.

Darling? What ARE you thinking? is there something in your contract that says you should try to pick the most wenchi-fied chick in the kingdom for good TV? Do they pay you more if you take on the drama-worthy, diva, whiners versus the say, ever practical real estate agents?

Cuz I gotta say, Bravo, big boy. Ya done good. LMAO

DC :)


  • At 7:37 AM, Blogger Bonita said…

    LOL -- It had to be a set-up!

  • At 7:43 AM, Blogger Michelle said…

    Oy's, just what we need is another reality show. I'll stick to project runway, thanks.

  • At 9:33 AM, Blogger Marissa said…

    As much as I love Lorenzo (he's on the Home Shopping Channel with his company all the time) I will stick with Project Runway and pray that Jefferey doesn't win.

  • At 5:48 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    What's he selling over there, doll? Princely wares? LOLLOL. I had no clue and maybe, just maybe--we can hook up Erica and Jeffrey.

    Ya know, sorta like a cross reality show mating? Jeffrey can cheat and make clothes for the fair maiden Erica, who can whine for him while he does it. LOLLOL

    DC :)

  • At 10:02 AM, Blogger Marissa said…

    His company is an offshoot of his family's company that sells lotions and bath stuff called Perlier and Elleria (spelled that wrong, I think). Anyway Lorezo's company is called Royal Treatment Pet Care Products which sells stuff for your pets. Shampoo, pet beds, vitamins, deodorizers, stuff for pet teeth, just about anything you can think of for your pet.

    Go here for more info or just go to

    As for Jefferey, he is currently attached to very cool looking rocker chick and they have a kid. Also I can only assume that they didn't find him guilty of cheating because he did show at fashion week (saw it on another blog) or maybe they just let him go ahead and do it anyway. Still, I wish that he would get kicked out because he is a complete bastard.

    That was probably more than you wanted to know, right?

  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger Shoshana said…

    Ok Dakota, what show is this? With this much emotion into it, I gotta see it too...and with a guy named Lorenzo, why, I'll give up my date with Ben and Jerry for that one!


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