Monday, September 18, 2006


So yesterday I went blog hopping. I love to see who people link to. I think it says a lot about who and what they're about. I'm sure most times it isn't anything more than someone asking to be linked because you may have a popular site and they'd like the bleed over visits, but sometimes I'm also sure it's because you've gone to the blog and commented or even just read the blog. Usually it has to do with something you share in common. Authors linked with other authors ect.

So, I began at one blog, which led me to tons of blogs about submissives and their masters. I've researched this, so I wasn't all that interested and while I deny no one their lifestyle choices, the daddy role playing one had me kinda feelin' squeamish. The woman who owns that blog doesn't want anyone who has nothing nice to say to comment. So I shut up. LOL

However, as I skipped the blog-tastic, I found a very disturbing trend along the way and I spent an entire late afternoon on into the wee hours of the morning compelled, intrigued by these types of blogs. One blog I read a years worth of entries for and couldn't tear myself away. I'm not as shocked as one might think about this particular trend. I was shocked by the gender that writes them. The Internet allows you freedom of expression (sometimes far more than your alloted portion) and an anonymous space to vent. You can tell your side of the story and get loads of people to hop on your cruise to the land of pity as they dole out sympathy to you. Yet, I was amazed that for a gender of folk who aren't known for their communication skills, a whole lotta releasing of angst was goin' on.

So know what I found? Unhappy, cheating hubbies. LOLLOL. Men who cheat on their wives. Men who (according to them) desperately want their wives to pay attention to them. Men who live in sexless marriages. Men who count the days of dry spells where sex ain't nowhere in the offing. Women who do it too.

And I gotta tell ya, I was glued to this shit. One blog in particular sucked me in and wouldn't let go. I won't name it because I'm sure if his groupies got wind of this, they might pop on over and moan on his behalf. If he came here, some of the more hardened broads (JaynieJaynieJaynie. LOL), would rip him a new asshole and besides, I'm not much for flaming. He doesn't much like when people do that on his blog. If someone posts anonymously he frets if others attack and he fully acknowledges that this secret blog of his has its faults. He worries he'll die and his wife will find his blog. He worries she'll find it if he lives too. LMAO. What troubles me is that, for the most part, I felt sorry for him and despite what he's been up to, he seemed like a nice guy. I'd also love, love, love to hear her side of this twisted story. I'd love to know her take on his cyber screwing. It's cheating, no matter how you slice it. If you're putting your cyber part A, into cyber slot B--you're cheating. Even if it's just words, baby.

Yet, again, I say, I felt sorry for him. What in theee hell is that abour? I'm a writer--I love reading about people. I love understanding their internal tick. I sure shouldn't feel sorry for him.

Yeah, I know. Go figure me feeling like this over a cheater. We all know how I feel about them. They're cowards and they have a gozillion reasons why they can't leave their marriages, and a gozillion more to justify their cheating. Yet, he writes this blog with so much of his innards strewn on the table, I couldn't help but think, huh in the beginning. It was a weird contradiction for me. Nevertheless, as I sifted through his entries and read the comments, I still maintain he's kinda a weasel. A nice one, but one nonetheless. He puts his shit out there for everyone to read. Some very intimate stuff, but hasn't shared much with his wife.

He and his wife have four kids--she's got some illness that prevents her from feeling at all sexual. Her hormones are out of whack and she ain't puttin' out. The first portion of the entries from last year are devoted to his constant whining about her lack of affection and how he needs to have sex with her. See the connection? Sex and affection are deeply intertwined for this man. Honestly, at times it seemed like he needed someone to give him a standing 'O" while he washed the car for all the attention he needs. He seems exceptionally needy. Also, according to him, he does most of the housework, laundry, baths, bedtime and cooking. Plus works a full time job telecommuting. Woe is him. He makes his wife sound like a controlling shrew who does nothing but sleep in and eat out. However, as a result of his complaints about her, he ends up sounding like a pissy girl who can't put on a pair of pants properly. He's forever talking about how he was affectionate with her, but didn't" try anything." I hafta wonder if his sexual mentality is still back in HS... Maybe it was just his way of saying, "I wasn't looking to get laid. A pat on the head will do. See? it isn't all about the sex." ????? I dunno--but I do know, his view on sex isn't going to win him favor in any long-term relationships.

As I read, there were more complaints about their finances, yet he's off spending money on online poker, in Vegas and in strip clubs. They had to file bankruptcy as a result of their spending at one point. He admits his guilt openly, then keeps right on doing it. She eats out all the time and he goes with her. Then he devotes an entry to how they can't do that anymore. Yet next entry, he's back at it again. He decided to begin a budget that would get them back on track, then the next entry, he's still bitching that he needs to create a budget. I wanted to scream, "Dude! Do it already! For the love of God. Do SOMETHING!"

He bitches about losing weight too. he starts a diet, falls off the scale, starts again. Goes to the gym, stops, goes again. Mostly it seemed his life was a series of unfinished projects. The most important project being his determination to have sex. He fully admits his horndog status--it would seem he banks all of his wifes worth on whether they have sex and how often. For a few months worth of entires, I began to think sex was what he thought held a marriage together--that and continual attention. Like being married was a free pass to lifetime nookie. He even counts the days between bouts of mattress whacking. What truly bothered me was his recounting of their sessions in his entries. Granted, there were only three in a year, but it was pretty personal and really, is it necessary to share something that personal with a bunch of strangers?

He also constantly writes about beating his meat. Like everyone was holding their breath until he found relief via wanker in hand. As I got deeper in and he began several emotional affairs (yes, that's what he calls them) online and indulging in phone sex, I knew that when he claimed he began the blog as a cry for help was true. He wanted to be heard, all right. he wanted to be heard talking dirty. I think I saw with startling clarity the Mars-Venus thing. Some men equate sex with being valued. If you put out as much as they want, they feel da love. Women equate it much differently. Sex for us is a bond. An emotional tie. For the most part, anyway. Sure, we like to bang just to bang, but the emotional bit is probably a heavier issue on the scale of boink.

He did say that when you're not getting any, you obsess. I say if he put half as much energy into doing that budget he so deperately needed as he does thinking, blogging, wacking off about sex, he'd be RICH. He also travels a lot and in those travels, he's always inviting his blogger friends to come meet with him if their in the city he's doing biz with. He also never fails to mention that he's in a big, king-sized bed in wherever hotel--all alone. I'd shed a tear for him except he always invites "anyone" to join him. That's really when I realized this wasn't as much about his wife as it was about getting laid. he never wished his wife was there. Though, I'd have to wonder if presented with someone who would do him into next year if he wouldn't turn tail and run. A real encounter isn't so anonymous.

What amazed me the most was his legion of supporters--women included--which of course, led me to other blogs just like his. One guy really is convinced that he's like some Svengali to his wife's self esteem and he even went so far as to tell her if his needs weren't being met, he was going to take his winkie elsewhere. Yeah, that'll work. I say, wow--you really do believe you're that important, don't ya? You go right ahead, baby and when she finds out about what you've been pissing about on your blog, some lawyer is going to lay you out on a table with an apple between your balls and your checkbook in your mouth. You'll be poor and there ain't no woman gonna wanna do anything BUT boink with you when you have to buy them the two for one at the local Denny's. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the web stores stuff FOREVER. Even if you delete it. I know from personal experience. LOL

This particular blogger from above had me rolling on the floor at his arrogance. He talks about his body like he's some Greek God. He posts pics of it and I say, get a wax, would ya? He boasts about his prowess. He writes in detail about it too. They both do, in fact. If how they write these encounters is how they make it happen, I say, hmmmmm. LOLLOL. He talks about his nether parts length, how tight his ass is. Though I will give him credit for saying many complimentary things about his wife--it doesn't change the fact that this guy really needs to move on from his self-image boasts. He blames a lot of his trouble on the fact that his wife doesn't greet him properly upon his arrival at home. His work troubles are because of her. If he was just getting more nookie, he'd be King of the Hill and all his troubles would just melt away.

Thank God he answered the meaning of life for me. I might have spent the rest of my life floundering if I hadn't tripped over his blog. LOLLOLLOLLOL.

There were only a couple of naysayers on guy number ones blog and I gotta say, AMEN. Someone finally told him to quit moaning about his dry spells. I agreed with every word she wrote. And it came from someone who claims she was once the cheater due to a sexless marriage. If you're unhappy and having sex online--get a DIVORCE. Don't blame the kids and your financial situation for your cowardice--if you want it badly enough, you'll find a way. Clearly, you wanted sex badly enough that you allowed some woman in a massage parlor to yank yer crank. See? You found a way. it wasn't exactly the brightest of paths due to STD's and such. I mean, she did blow your meat whistle, but you managed, yes? I know, I know, you only did it ONCE. What a good hubby. Here's a pat on the back for your oustanding restraint. Now get ye a divorce and go play with your imaginary friends online. You can do all the screwing you want in real life or not if you have a nice divorce.

Plus, from a woman who was cheated on, lemme give ya a little advice. Even if you do happen upon the woman who thinks your studly prowess is undeniable AND she wants to boink you into the next century as often as you'd like--she'll NEVER trust you. You cheat. If something happens to her--let's say she has a hormone prob like relationship number one did--she knows you'll be off getting a massage and just ONE oral encounter. I feel very certain that will bring her comfort. Oh, and believe me when I tell you, you can't hide prior infidelities from her. She'll find out one way or the other. I have someone you can ask personally, if you'd like.

So the conclusion I came to was this--these men expect sex in return for a regular paycheck.Not all of them, mind you. Just some of 'em.

They bank on the fact that their days will be brighter, and afterglow will ensue if their wives give it up on demand. Guy number two said as much. He also says that the online porn he watches displays women being so enthusiastic. Er, dude? They get PAID to look enthusiastic. I think I snorted my Pepsi when I read that. LOL Guy number one seems to feel the same about both situations. I work, do me a favor and put out. I also came to the conclusion that throwing your shit out there for the world to see and pity you for is totally worth it if you can manage to fenagle some "poor babies."

After last night and reading guy number one, there was a point where he said he wasn't sure he could keep blogging. he'd lost his job and the laptop that came with. Means he can't take a chance on being caught at home :) He did that in a couple of entires through the year and I had to wonder of it wasn't because he wanted people to ask him to stay. I also wondered if he made some of it up. Like the massage parlor. A sort of imaginary "take that" statement.

Well, I'm here to do the begging if that's what you're looking for, I BEG of you--don't stop blogging. This writer has a story brewing like you wouldn't believe. LOLLOL

DC :)


  • At 4:57 PM, Blogger Isabella Jordan said…

    Ooooh, I can't even get into this as someone who's been cheated on too - thank the Almighty I didn't marry that asshole. I let other woman #10 (I would find out later) have him. Smartest damn thing I ever did. Right on, Kota!


  • At 8:28 PM, Blogger Erin the Innocent said…

    yowza! You didn't get to some of these blogs through mine did you? lol

  • At 8:39 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Nah, I found the fist set of master/sub at like Bam's, I think and then, from one of those I found these.

    Gawd, there are a ton of them. However the first two are what kept me up into the weeeee hours. LOL

    And right on, Isy!

    DC :)

  • At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sex blogs are addicting aren't they? I find myself reading weird crazy stuff. Yeah the husbands who cheat because their wife isn't given them any lovin' (is there a blog button for these guys?) to D/s relationships to prostitutes. I can spend all day reading this crap.

    Y'know, the wives are probably blogging elsewhere about how they aren't getting emotional lovin' from their husbands and hooking up with posters on their blogs.

    Soap operas are so passe now. Bring on the soap blogs.

  • At 5:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    When do you get time to read this crap? Am I the only one in America that doesn't watch tv, read blogs, or listen to the idiots on the radio because I'm reading? (Your books--by the way!) Between making sure the hubbie gets his ration (39 years and counting...), house work (yech!), walking the dog, and fixing the occasional meal, there's very little time for reading, let alone all this other stuff. In a perverse sort of way I suppose you could consider it research, but I have to tell you, I have enough regular research to deal with, without this stuff. For instance, I had a story set in Thailand in the midst of a typhoon. Oops! Silly me. Thailand has only had one typhoon in the last 150 years. Guess not, huh?

    Anyway, just wanted to say that I so enjoy your writing. Blog on.


  • At 9:04 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    LOl, Anny. Well, thanks for the kind words, doll and as to the time. I write full time, so I spend a lot of time surfing and these blogs sucked me in like a swirling drain, I tell ya. LOLLOL

    As a writer, I so dig diff personalities. Even if I might not agree with their morales ect. I read them because they create characters in my books. I read them because there's nothing better than the real thing, if ya know what I mean.

    Oh,and I do all that other stuff you mentioned too. LOL

    Thanks for stopping by!

    DC :)

  • At 7:50 AM, Anonymous Robin said…

    Wow, the only blogs I've ever read have been authors blogs. I can't imagine putting my whole life out there on the web for just anyone and everyone to read. That's just kind of creepy...but I can imagine that it would be addicting to read some of those you mentioned....if for nothing more than entertainment purposes.

    Thanks for broadening my horizons Dakota!

    Hugs, Robin


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