Monday, May 22, 2006

Tiara wearing wannabes...

Ahem. Okay, sooooooooo just back from RT and I have MANY stories. One of which I'm sure will leave you kinda goin' WTF?

K--so y'all know Shelly laurenston and I are buds, yes? Well, we still are. Another con down the hatch and we are still copascetic.

Sorta.

There is one little exception to this friendship. I've already explained that we are the antithesis of each other. Shelly being the rough around the edges half of my polished perfection. LOLLOLLOLLOL. In other words, she snarls. I cajole. She is dark--I am light. She's hard liquor. I'm a Mimosa :)

We meet in the middle because she adores me :)

However, we have now had an incident that marred the beauty that was once us as a couple.

Here's how it went down.

Location--hilton Bar.
Perp--Joy of Joyfully Reviewed
Witnesses-- Michelle, Michelle's sister Terri, Angela Knight, her hunky hubby, Susan ( a fan), R, Isabella Jordon and some other people I can't remember through my open mouthed horror.
The crime--impersonating a beauty queen. Easily 12-life, if u ask me. LOLLOLLOLLOL

So, we're hanging--doin' what we do best, having a good giggle and in general causing a ruckus when out of the fricken' blue, Joy gives SHELLY a present.

Shelly--not ME.

Whatever.

So Joy is all excited when she hands Shelly something pink. Now we all know pink is IN my color wheel, yes? however, Joy's eyes skimmed right over mine and looked right into Shelly's and handed HER something pink. A sparkly something pink and we ALL know how much I love sparkly pink stuff. I'm still not done sobbing...

I digress.

So Shelly (fakefakefake) proudly places this pink, sparkly upon her head like she's all in the know and would even have a CLUE as to how to wear one properly.

Wanna know what it was?

A TIARA!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, that's right--a tiara. A pink, fricken' girly tiara. That JOY gave her. Joy. Did I say JOY?????

Well, Ms. laurenston is VERY proud of herself. She turns to Dakota, rather smugly and smiles like she just won Miss Galaxy and a scholarship to beauty School and dares me to challenge her right to wear a TIARA.

heathen. Fake. Dime store beauty queen. Faux sash wearing wannabe. LOLLOL

Okay, so I was a little less than gracious about this because I mean, really, WHO should have a tiara? me or Shelly--I'll rip your colon out through your ass Laurenston?

Exactly.

But it's okay. I can take it. I've never lost a tiara before, but I can be a gracious loser.

not :)

So, next day comes and I haven't gotten over my unending grief that my stalker fan Joy has given Ms. Laurenston a TIARA. A pink, cheesy one, but a tiara nontheless...JOY. Did I reiterate JOY?????

I pass Miss RT 2006 in the hall and I give her the old Dakota eyeball. I mean, she does have my bling, right?

Shelly narrows her gaze at me, sucks in her cheeks, reaches into her big ole Shelly Laurenston bag and snatches out that fake dime store tiara and places it on her head like she'd been wearing it forevah, with an eyeball to me that could rival any italian's evil eye. She throws her shoulders back and saunters over like she'd done a runway in her time when we all know the only long stretch of wood she's familiar with is a bowling alley lane. LMAO I'm kidding.

And she dares me, nay I say, defies me to deny her right to wear her cheap, two-bit, so absolutely not in her color wheel tiara.

And that was just freakin' it for me.

I had to whip out the mac-daddy of all beauty queen accessories.

A CEPTOR.

Yep, I have a ceptor. I got it from somewhere that day. I can't remember who, but you know what that means, don't you? I WIN. MUWAHAHAHAHAHA

I hate to be showy, but ceptor beats tiara every time.

Know why?

Cuz I can grant wishes with a ceptor.

beat THAT, you wannabe!!!

LOLLOLLOLLOL

Dakota :)

16 Comments:

  • At 10:31 PM, Blogger Maura said…

    a faux BQ? What other catastrophy will happen? How could she???

    hah - but at least you showed her you mean business.

    Smite her with that scepter!

     
  • At 10:39 PM, Blogger Jaynie R said…

    *snort*

     
  • At 4:29 AM, Blogger Angela James said…

    I second that *snort*

    Shel told me there was a tiara incident, but I didn't get full details. Oh the pain. Oh the horror.

    Clearly Shel and Joy are going to need to pay your therapy bills.

    Oh and...yay Dakota ;) Just because ;)

     
  • At 4:53 AM, Blogger Isabella Jordan said…

    It was absolutely true! LOL Our Dakota may never recover.... LOL

     
  • At 6:15 AM, Blogger Karen Scott said…

    Lol!!! Sounds like you guys had a ball!! One day, I will attend RT, I swear it!

     
  • At 8:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I never once saw Shelly flaunting said pink tiara.

    I miss everything *g*

    But I don't think pink is in either of your color wheels, babes.

    :p

     
  • At 8:27 AM, Blogger Jaci Burton said…

    And that was me who posted above but blogger sucks.

    Jaci

     
  • At 9:56 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    oh, she did so too flaunt it, Jaci burton! You were just too busy watching Idol to see it and PINK is so in my color wheel. LOLLOL

    Thanks, Angie! I think I know whatcha mean and I'm feelin' purdy darn good :)

     
  • At 12:51 PM, Blogger AuthorWithAttitude said…

    You spelled sceptor wrong, sweetie.

    --Shel.

     
  • At 12:59 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Oh, for crap's sake, I did. I can't believe I did that. Thrice, mind you.

    Shut up, Shelly laurenston. You might be able to spell it, but I OWN it, baby. LOLLOLLOLLOL

    Dakota :)

     
  • At 4:35 PM, Blogger Vicious Trollop said…

    Hey :D

    Sounds like you gals had fun.

    Errr I had no freaking clue what a ceptor, sceptor was LOL so I had to google it and apparently it's Scepter :S lol If that is what you meant of course.

     
  • At 4:36 PM, Blogger Vicious Trollop said…

    I should probably explain that english is not my first language. In case that's like a really basic word given in third grade spelling bee's or something LOL

     
  • At 5:59 PM, Blogger Erin the Innocent said…

    *snort*

    See what happens to ex BQ's when they drink Coke? Someone takes away their tiara!

    'nuff said

     
  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger Bonita said…

    LOLLOLLOL, oh, what fun you guys had!

     
  • At 6:44 AM, Anonymous Annmarie A said…

    From one BQ to another, I heard about this incident in the BQ Newsletter, Hits and Misses, and was shocked. Totally horrified that someone was trying to impersonate a BQ.

    Thank God you had a scepter!

    Annmarie
    Miss Greek Goddess 1987

     
  • At 11:51 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Well, VT, I apparently don't speak the English language so well either. LOLLOL We DID have a ton of fun.

    Annmarie? There's a BQ newsletter? how could I not know that? OMG--what have I missed? Thanks for popping in :)

    Erin? it HAD to be the Coke. I'm toxically challenged now. LMAO

    Dakota :)

     

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