Dear Stupidhead...

I am really having a shitty time of it these days and I can't quite say why. No, it isn't just because R is out of town. It began before then.

I was once a patient woman. I could tolerate almost ANYTHING and still smile. It's the beauty queen in me, I think. I learned early on when competing that shutting your pie hole and smiling till your facial muscles hurt was encouraged.

I do that a lot. It's probably what kept me married for so long. In fact, my dentist said my teeth were shifting and beginning to spread because I was clenching them at night, he suspected. Once he gave me that info, I caught myself doing it all the time. During the day...

So anyway, lately I'm finding that harder to do. I mostly keep my opinions to myself and if I do express one, it's always done with the utmost tact.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Dakota tactful? But you'll note that if I reply to something controversial or even confrontational, I do it with a great deal of tact. I used to do it without thinking.

Lately, I'm clenching my teeth to keep from saying some pretty crappy shit. I swear, I have a list of people I want to send, "Would you shut the fuck up?" e-mails to.

I do and I don't want to say it nicely. I just want to spew, "Shut the fuck up, you self important, legend in your own mind, bitch." I want to ask, "Whhhhhyyyyyy do you go on and on like the buzz of an annoying dentist's drill? Who said anyone gives a crap about all of your pretentious horse pukey? Did you know that I've always thought you were a nasty know it all? Did you know that I'm worn down from hearing your superior rants that you pass off as doing all of us a favor by calling it advice? Could you PLEASE stop thinking that you're the only person on the planet? Cuz we here on the planet disagree."

I'm telling you, there were several moments when I almost did just that. "Dear__, You got a lotta nerve there. Balls like church bells. Guess what? You suck. All you do is cause trouble with your opinions. Just your breathing makes me nuts. I say we vote you off the island."

That sounds harsh, yes? I suppose it does but it's how I'm feeling as of late. Do you think it's because I'm getting older and my hormones rage like gale force winds? Is it from always being nice? Like all of my life?

Is it just that I've reached the point in my life where I don't much care if you know I don't like you, but society says I can't gouge your eyes out with a dull nail file without serving a prison term?

And my problem is that I honestly almost sent one of those e-mails. I sent it to me first, read it and then canned it. But the urge to click send was but a notion away. And I didn't even care if there were reprecussions, cuz I was ready to get my freak on. It was like a wave of pure, unadulterated pissed off.

I've gone 'round the bend, haven't I? The proof of that is that there's no LOL anywhere in this post. I'm thinkin' that's just not kosher. I always LOL at SOMETHING.

SO I blogged about it as therapy. it's keeping me from whipping out my hit list and ending my online career with the big bang.

Snort.

Dakota--still not LOL-ing :)