Monday, April 10, 2006

Beach Bunny Bingo

Sooooo, today I decided to try the air brush tanning. I really have tried to stay out of the sun, or be protected when I do go out, swim ect. However, I really look much better with a tan. I've done the bottle stuff and it works, doesn't look orange, but it's a pain in the hooters to have to freakin' do it everyday. I loathe the tanning booth. I can't sit still long enough to do it. It makes me crazy and I feel like I should be fightng my way out of this capsule thing.

So--I look into this and find out all the bodybuilders are into it. Immediately, I come to mind.

NOT. LOLLOL

Well anyway, I figure it has to be less of a hassle and it's only 20 bucks. Totally worth a try for me. I want to do it before the con so I know if I'm going to bleed on like some big author, who I won't know is big, cuz I'm stoopid about fame and then, have to explain it's my spray on tan, it could be uber embarrassing, ya know?

Anyway--off I skip to the salon with my little strapless bra and panties.

My air brush arteest is like 20 and he's got a killer tan, an even buffer body and I watch as he interacts with all the 20 yr olds and think, "Dude, you are SO in for a surprise when you see THIS body half nekid. I'd wipe that smile off my face ASAP, were I you." LOLLOL

So, I get the briefing. I see all the lovely maidens with their tanned, highlighted abs of steel and I'm READY. Bring it, baby.

We go in and I disrobe.

Snort. Just like I was at the gynecologists--to which I tell him, this is kinda like that, eh? Seeing as I had to bend forward so he could spray under ze old butt cheeks. He giggled while he was sorta between my thighs. Wiggles eyebrows :)

Anyway--he suggests I go dark because I'm dark-haired and naturally, I tan kinda berry-bronzy, ya know? I say okay, cuz the worst that can happen is I can't leave the house for ten days because I look spooky tan. But I don't mind because what the hell. I onl;y live once and I want to do it bronzed like a Goddess. Oh and just before I go in, I get this sticker--a pair of lips, so I'll see just how dark I am after. I put it by my belly button. LOLLOL

So, I'm all naked and hanging onto these bars to hold my arms up and he's spraying and I think, this poor man. I mean, he just tanned a bunch of cheerleaders, how sad that he's now tanning a saggy almost 40 yr old. SO I ask, "Tell me, do you like call your buds up and go, Holy shit, man, you should have seen the broad that was just in here. If her ta-ta's sagged anymore, she'd have to tuck them into her waistband?"

He laughs so hard he drops the air brush can thingy. He says he never does that. I warn him that if he does, I'll know, cuz my ears will ring and I'll tell his mother. LOLLOL

Now, this whole airbrishing thing is really an art form. I mean, he was very careful of my toenails and fingernails and around my hands and all sorts of stuff. Honestly, for twenty bucks, having to look up at this saggy body staring down at him, I hope like hell he has some GOOD bennies for all the effort. He even itched my nose for me...

Okay, so now I'm done and I have to stand in front of the fan and dry, bent over, arms out, neck up. It was like a Pilates class, I tell ya.

However, I am TAN and I do mean TAN. I look like a Native American now and for some reason, my lips look super big. LOL. Oh, and the lips on my belly are really kinda cool. LOL

Anyway, I dress in my loose clothing and skip on out to face the 12 year olds with beer can crushing butts and they all "ooooooohhhh." I curtsy, cuz I AM tan. LOLLOL. They all want the color I got. Bronze something or other. I do have a bit of orange, but he said once I shower, that will wash away. I hope so, or I'm not leaving the house for TEN DAYS and my knees have a white spot when I bend. Ya know, the wrinkles? Other than that, I'm good. I can fill in if need be with my bottle goop.

This is supposed to last 10 days--we'll see. Anyway, my belly is more tan than it's been since I was 25. Except that windshield washer effect--you know, the one you get when your boobs hang over your ribs and swiiiiish? Yeah, that's the one. I have it because I must not have been totally dry. What do I know? I felt dry...

So, after I shower tomorrow, I'll let ya know if I still look like a Goddess or a big, fat ORANGE.

LMAO

Dakota --the tanned :)

12 Comments:

  • At 3:58 PM, Blogger Robin49 said…

    ROFL!!! I'm sure you will look like a Goddess. That poor boy. Now you know he will be telling all his friends!

     
  • At 4:03 PM, Blogger Isabella Jordan said…

    You are always a goddess to me, orange or not. But what a story! LMAO

    Isy

     
  • At 4:33 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Well, thanks. I lean more toward the pathetic type Goddess, but whatever. LOLLOL

    DC :)

     
  • At 4:56 PM, Blogger Jaynie R said…

    ROFLAO - I wanna know what R thinks *g*

     
  • At 4:59 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    LOLLOL--yeah, me too. Bunny looks like a whole new woman. LOLLOL

    He'll see me tonight for our Monday night TV ritual :)

    DC :)

     
  • At 5:21 PM, Anonymous Erin the Innocent said…

    oh dear god. I don't have enough hands to lift the fat parts up to spray the tan stuff on *shudders* If I did that the spray dude would need hazard pay

    LOL

     
  • At 2:40 AM, Anonymous Paula said…

    LOL Erin!
    I was just thinking the same thing! That boy would have nightmares for weeks!

    I am counting down the days until I can see you in all your bronze glory, Dakota.

    Gary and I were just wishing for a privacy fence in the backyard - to get a tan, natch!

     
  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger Harlot said…

    Oh LOL That poor boy. :P

    Americans and Europeans always want tanned skin. But, people on the other side of the planet, esp in Asia, are usually obssess with how they could make their skin whiter. Weird. And expensive.

    Where i am, it's crazy how many poeple go to some length just to have whiter skin. Whitening products, expensive pills, bleaching.. Personally, if i have olive skin, natural skin color of folks here, i would love it.

    Dakota, hope you're enjoying your tan!--and that your ears are not ringing yet. LOL

     
  • At 7:07 PM, Blogger Ani said…

    No I have a kodak image of you bouncing up and down flashing white bits-
    Are you still orange?

    Wear sunblock!

     
  • At 10:14 AM, Blogger Jaci Burton said…

    I so want a report on this spray tanning

    though I do my best book plotting in the tanning bed. I swear it's the whole 20 minute captivity mode. It forces my mind to freakin slow down or something *g*

     
  • At 12:03 PM, Blogger Caffey said…

    Hehe loved reading this Dakota. Do you know its the first time for me here too! What a great gig to read for the first time too. I laughed!! I look like a ghost, I ought to try that. Just once to see it it makes me look more heathy! I started makeup again and its helping. So you gave me an idea.
    I want to go laugh some more so will read on!

     
  • At 12:42 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    LOL, Harlot--well, no ringing, but I think he just talked quietly about me. LMAO

    Jaci--see my next blog :)

    Ani--I do, that's why I'm not a prune yet. LOL

    Caffey--thanks for popping in, sweets! You go get tan :)

     

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