The Aspen part deux

K, so tomorrow my honeybunch and I are going to see the Aspen, live and in person. If you'll recall, this is the name of the model home R is planning to build once he sells his bigger house.

Now, if you'll also recall, this is the model home he oft refers to when he mentions our future. It's also the model home I found myself confessing to thinking about living in with him, like the dumb ass, big mouth I am. OY.

So, today, I look at the model home online again and I get a little tingle. It's really cute and 3000 sq ft smaller than what I live in now. I could probably clean it entirely in an hour or less. Whatever will I do with the extra time on my hands.

There's always UNO. LOLLOL

R often says, when we talk about the Aspen, the word "we". We can do this or we can do that. We can move the fireplace for more room. We can paint whatever color you like, Bun.

We.

I'm not much afraid of that word anymore, though I will admit hesitation about making plans for the future. My future was once mapped out for me. I was going to be married and retire with a person I once thought I loved. I was rock solid on that front and well, that didn't quite work out, did it? LOLLOL.

Now, I'll grant you this, I love R waaaay more than I ever did the ex, in a very different, freeing way. It's far more mature and we definitely have a much better start than I ever did with the ex. We haven't even had our first fight yet and he's my most fav peron in the whole, wide world to hang out with. I never tire of him. I always laugh with him and no matter the situation, stressful or not, we manage to figure it out. Maybe because we think so much alike. I was bored and tired of the ex, month six. You'd think I'd have had a clue. Nontheless, we did have plans and we were going to retire and all that stupid crap, that is until he retired in other places. LOL

So, what I'm saying is, I've planned far in advance once before, only to have it kinda yanked out from under me. Of course, the yanking was what brought me R. So, I'm torn because I'm grateful I finally know what the real stuff is and I have a guy as totally perfect as R is and that I figured out who I am. But I worry that if I keep getting these stupid warm fuzzies over our future, I'm jinxing myself. Retarded, I know, but there was a time that I would have never believed the ex would do what he did, ya know? Things change--people change, promises were made to be broken in many cases.

Yet, I'm kinda excited. The Aspen represents a lot of things to me and obviously, to R too. It represents a time when we can be together, just us. It represents a blending of our lives together. It represents the END of bachelorhood for R. Snort. It represents the closet he'll never have any space in, cuz I got a lotta clothes and shoes. LOL

So I'm spending a lot of time trying to keep stuff in persepctive, but I drift. It's the drifting that should worry me. Yet, most times, it doesn't. I keep in mind that, NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING could ever be as horrible as my divorce was. I survived. My sons survived. No one can ever do that to me again, because I'm not afraid of much anymore and I can take care of myself. Like I said, not much scares me.

'cept maybe never making it to the Apen.

OY--OY--OY.

Did I just say that? LOLLOLLOLLOL

Dakota :)