Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Aspen part deux

K, so tomorrow my honeybunch and I are going to see the Aspen, live and in person. If you'll recall, this is the name of the model home R is planning to build once he sells his bigger house.

Now, if you'll also recall, this is the model home he oft refers to when he mentions our future. It's also the model home I found myself confessing to thinking about living in with him, like the dumb ass, big mouth I am. OY.

So, today, I look at the model home online again and I get a little tingle. It's really cute and 3000 sq ft smaller than what I live in now. I could probably clean it entirely in an hour or less. Whatever will I do with the extra time on my hands.

There's always UNO. LOLLOL

R often says, when we talk about the Aspen, the word "we". We can do this or we can do that. We can move the fireplace for more room. We can paint whatever color you like, Bun.

We.

I'm not much afraid of that word anymore, though I will admit hesitation about making plans for the future. My future was once mapped out for me. I was going to be married and retire with a person I once thought I loved. I was rock solid on that front and well, that didn't quite work out, did it? LOLLOL.

Now, I'll grant you this, I love R waaaay more than I ever did the ex, in a very different, freeing way. It's far more mature and we definitely have a much better start than I ever did with the ex. We haven't even had our first fight yet and he's my most fav peron in the whole, wide world to hang out with. I never tire of him. I always laugh with him and no matter the situation, stressful or not, we manage to figure it out. Maybe because we think so much alike. I was bored and tired of the ex, month six. You'd think I'd have had a clue. Nontheless, we did have plans and we were going to retire and all that stupid crap, that is until he retired in other places. LOL

So, what I'm saying is, I've planned far in advance once before, only to have it kinda yanked out from under me. Of course, the yanking was what brought me R. So, I'm torn because I'm grateful I finally know what the real stuff is and I have a guy as totally perfect as R is and that I figured out who I am. But I worry that if I keep getting these stupid warm fuzzies over our future, I'm jinxing myself. Retarded, I know, but there was a time that I would have never believed the ex would do what he did, ya know? Things change--people change, promises were made to be broken in many cases.

Yet, I'm kinda excited. The Aspen represents a lot of things to me and obviously, to R too. It represents a time when we can be together, just us. It represents a blending of our lives together. It represents the END of bachelorhood for R. Snort. It represents the closet he'll never have any space in, cuz I got a lotta clothes and shoes. LOL

So I'm spending a lot of time trying to keep stuff in persepctive, but I drift. It's the drifting that should worry me. Yet, most times, it doesn't. I keep in mind that, NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING could ever be as horrible as my divorce was. I survived. My sons survived. No one can ever do that to me again, because I'm not afraid of much anymore and I can take care of myself. Like I said, not much scares me.

'cept maybe never making it to the Apen.

OY--OY--OY.

Did I just say that? LOLLOLLOLLOL

Dakota :)

21 Comments:

  • At 4:51 PM, Blogger Jaynie R said…

    you will make it hon. Where the hell else am I going to wear this banana yellow bridesmaid dress?

    Does R know that you will be decorating according to the color wheel? *g*

     
  • At 5:12 PM, Blogger Isabella Jordan said…

    We have to wear yellow? I look SO rigor mortis in yellow. *sigh* But I WILL do it for this wedding. Yes, I can, I will. LOL

     
  • At 5:25 PM, Blogger Harlot said…

    Hullo.

    "I never tire of him." I agree with your friends, i think you'll make it. YOUR Aspen sounds great. :) Lovely post btw.

     
  • At 5:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    *sigh*
    Yellow.
    That is so NOT on my color wheel.
    I'll look like a giant Mountain Dew can - but I'll do it for you, Kota!
    *sigh*
    Fuzz

     
  • At 5:31 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    LOLLOL, Fuzz ans Jaynie--NO freakin' YELLOW!

    Isy? didn't Connie send out a death threat to you? Yellow and rigor mortis might be in your future, Aspen or not. LMAO

    Harlot--thanks for dropping by--it IS great. It's my nerves that suck. LOL

    Dakota :)

     
  • At 6:01 PM, Blogger Harlot said…

    Hey Dakota,

    Nerves? Nah. You'll do fine, babe. ;)

    To my unending shame, i am a hopeless romantic (don't tell though--some of my friends might kill me :S LOL) Good luck to you and your R. :D

     
  • At 6:14 PM, Blogger Bonita said…

    Dakota, Jaynie might wear yellow to the wedding, I am wearing PINK or RED!!!! The Aspen sounds wonderful, cosy and inviting for two. Your lives will blend just fine, you wait and see. Actually, they are already blending now.

    Hugs ~s~

     
  • At 7:31 PM, Anonymous Erin the Innocent said…

    Does the Aspen have a pool?

    Green and Blue are UNO colours aren't they? I think they're more on my colour wheel than Yellow is

     
  • At 8:02 PM, Blogger Maura said…

    Can I wear black leather to the wedding? Maybe with some lovely silver accents???

     
  • At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Does the Aspen have a website? It sounds so darn CUTE that I want to see what it looks like. I still think that you and R are totally adorable.

    Marissa

     
  • At 12:03 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    It does, darling. Here's the link, Marissa and thanks for popping in again. Great to see you!

    http://www.ubh.com/homeplans_detail.phtml?storey=1&mid=1

    Harlot? Thanks, sweets. I'm hanging tough here and I'm in your hopless boat. Just never thought it really happened LOL. Promise not to tell--I've seen your friends on your blog--tough crowd, eh? LOL

    B/C? I just lurve ya.

    Maura--you can come in whatever you want. We support all forms of non-traditional wedding garb--especially if it isn't YELLOW. LOL

    Erin--er, no. No pool, but maybe I can wrangle a hot tub--wanna come over? LOL

    Dakota :)

     
  • At 8:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OMG!! That is the cutest little house. I love it!! I want one too.

    Marissa

     
  • At 10:39 PM, Blogger Maura said…

    That's a really cute little house. Does the extra bedroom become the walk-in closet? LOL

    HUGS

     
  • At 4:44 AM, Anonymous Paula said…

    LOL, Maura!
    For DC it will have to be......

    Seriously, D (and R) the cabin is adorable....and I see that there are plenty of other, larger, plans available in case you cannot wait until the youngest leaves home....

    And I can so see Gary and me in one of these.....with the spare room for all my books...
    Paula

     
  • At 9:08 AM, Blogger Shelbi said…

    Very cute house, Dakota. Would you believe that it's 81 square feet bigger than the house I currently live in with my husband, three kids, and psycho dog?

    We have three bedrooms, but we're all crammed into a whopping 927 square feet.

    Cozy. HA!

    But seriously, R. sounds wonderful, and so are you, for that matter. Be happy and enjoy the love you have together, you deserve it!

     
  • At 7:06 AM, Blogger Paige Burns said…

    Just think of all the warm cozy nights!

     
  • At 11:26 AM, Blogger Jaci Burton said…

    aren't you two married yet?

    geez louise. get on with it and get your asses into that Aspen

    *g*

    love you

    J

     
  • At 12:38 AM, Blogger Sam said…

    Hi Dakota - just a little worried here - I wanted to see what an Aspen house looked like so I googled it and this is what I got.
    Yes, it will be easier to clean and is certainly smaller than what you have...

    http://www.outdoordecor.com/product_detail.asp?item=KGS13017&esrc=WEBTRAFA

    :-D

     
  • At 12:45 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    OMG, Sam! That WOULD be easy. LOLLOL Ya think I could get drapes for it? LMAO

    Shelbi--wo--wanna trade, cookie? I have 4070 sq ft. OY

    J--smooches--love you too--NO!

    Dakota :)

     
  • At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The END of bachelorhood??? *sigh* Okay... fine. The end of bachelorhood. :-D

    The 2nd bedroom was going to be the writing lab / office, and the two closets would be turned into one big closet for the master bedroom in a laughable attempt to make room for all the Bunny-wear.

    But alas, we looked into it, and the pricing is just ridiculous. There will have to be another Aspen. It may not officially be "The Aspen", but will be referred to as such.

    ~R - The Aspen Champ

     
  • At 5:17 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    No, honey REALLY, you can stay a bachelor if you'd like. I would have never asked you to give up your singledom--ya kinda screwed yourself there, baby. LOLLOL

    DC--the needs closet space champ. LOL

     

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