Thursday, November 10, 2005

Have you ever really loved a woman?

Heard that song by Bryan Adams?

I did on the way home last night and it made me think of R. Go freakin' figure. LOLLOL

So, I'm driving home from R's house and I'm listening to the words--words I know, cuz I'm the song lyrics queen, but this time, I'm kinda paying closer attention. R and I had a nice night together--we watched some TV and we played UNO. LOLLOL. It was a rapid fire game of a couple of rounds and I have to say, I'm impressed by us. UNO can indeed be played rather quickly when one has a bedtime schedule they must adhere to :) Yet another myth breaker to digest. LMAO


Back to the song--so I'm listening and I'm thinking that the words are sooooo true.

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream

Ain't that the truth?

So I was thinking that R is really GOOD at this very kinda stuff. He hears me. Last night when we hung out my ankles were swollen. I'd spent a long day writing, did like 12k and I don't think I moved much. Hence, me ankles and calves ached. However, I caught a wind in my sails and the altitude was just right for cruising, so I went with it, but I paid later on. I mention it to R and he acknowledges it and that's that for the moment. A bit later, he whips out the massage oil and rubs them for me. Just like that. I never have to ask--because he hears me, even if it's the smallest complaint. He doesn't always offer a solution, but he offers comfort. Sometimes it's in the way of Krispy Kreme donut holes (that mostly R and the boys end up eating) when I'm PMS-ing. Sometimes it's just validating me. Sometimes it's just watching TV with me. Sometimes it's us yapping until four in the morning with NO UNO in sight.

Whatever he does, it's all good because he instinctively knows what I need.

Every woman has different needs. We're like snowflakes, unique in our relationship wishes, but basically we're all the same blizzard. Some need more validation and praise than others. Some just need an encouraging word once a week. Some don't like to cuddle often, some do.

Finding the person who inherantly knows how to do all that isn't easy, I'm sure. I wasn't looking, but when I finally did, R had patiently waited for me to do so. Maybe not looking is the key. Maybe figuring out who you are all on your own and commiting to improving yourself is the key. I've said it a hundred times, I didn't begin to date to find the man of my dreams. I began to date to meet people, get out and live a little. I didn't go into each date praying he was the one. I didn't know if there really was "the one", nor did I worry I'd never find him. I figured I'd meet someone I had a couple of things in common with and we'd hang out somewhere down the road. I did dismiss many for stupid stuff like sniffling too much. LOLLOL. I was not going to get loaded down with someone I'd eventually end up not liking so much like I did the first time around. I was going to pay close attention to ALL warning signs (like the ones I ignored in my marriage) and use them as my red flags.

I was certainly picky--R called me picky a lot during our friendship while I was dating.

Bet he's glad I was so picky, eh? LOL

Anyway, the point is somehow, I got lucky here. I haven't had endless streams of boyfriends who've dumped me--I wasn't willing to play the "Dakota's got a new man this week" game either. I was absolutely NOT going to skip from one heartbreak to the next. I was going to focus on my career and my sons. I didn't need a boyfriend and I was willing to wait it out until the person who came closest to suiting me arrived with bells on and a big neon sign that told me so.

But I never suspected it would be like this. After having such rotten luck and a War of the Roses style divorce, I gotta say, I'm in awe of the relationship God's and the blessings they've bestowed upon me. Maybe they thought I'd lost enough furniture and toilet paper for one lifetime? They nudged each other good naturedly and said, "Hey, let's get give the dumb, writer broad a break, huh? She cannot afford to lose the roll, spinner thing that holds the toilet paper again." LOLLOL.

I have indeed gotten a break. A BIG one and it's a very fortunate thing to have. Maybe this will all blow up in my face and the evidence of my stupidity will be archived here in my blogs. All of my goopy, syupy sweet musings will become a reminder of what an idiot I am? Maybe R will turn into a shit next week and we'll break up. Maybe he's been this GREAT to all of his girlfriends and all the sappy stuff he says to me is something he's said a thousand times before to someone else as stupid as me. Maybe he's really a Don Juan and when he woos a woman, he does it casually, artfully so as not to arouse suspicion.

It could happen...

But I don't think so.

And even if that were true, then I'll have had four months of wonderful, won't I? R says that sometimes. It's better to have four months of great than to have never had great at all. 'Cept he hasn't had two years of absolute freakin' hell to follow what was supposed to be so damned great. LOLLOL.

However, even if it were to all end tomorrow, I think I subscribe to his theory now.

Every woman should feel this valued, this treasured, this loved, just once in her life. Every woman should feel pampered, adored, needed in just the way she needs to, just once. Every woman should have someone that tells her she's pretty, smart, funny, just once. Every woman should have someone who looks at her with that look that either says, "naked now would be good," or "all I can see is you", just once. Every woman should have someone who wants to know her inside and out, and will love her anyway, just once. Every woman should have a safe place to fall, just once.

So for those who have not yet experienced this in life--I wish you the courage to hold out long enough to find it. Never settle. Never ask for less than you deserve. Never take more than you're willing to give and know yourself before you try to learn about someone else. It draws lines in the sand that won't wash away with the tide if you know who you are.

For those who have experienced this--well, it's some kinda wonderful, eh?

Dakota :)


  • At 5:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    I can't say anything or you'll accuse me of being Dr. Phil, so I'll just wipe a small tear from the corner of my eye and graciously smile my "I Told You So" freakin' smile.
    Fuzz....................................................................(Ruth on the keyboard and added the dots. It seemed appropriate to leave them.)

  • At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Sheryl said…


    This is sooooooooooo sweet *sob*

    It's always wonderful when your partner just "knows" you and your needs, and I have to say, R certainly has your card!!!!!

    R, keep up the great work!!! But remember, we know where you live!! I think??

    Hugs to you both babe.



  • At 6:09 AM, Blogger Jaci Burton said…

    Ahhh Dakota, babe, that's just oh so sweet. The feeling of awe that a man would treat you this way, that he knows what you want and need without you having to ask for it. Yeah, there really are men like that out there and some of us are lucky enough to find them.

    Hold onto him tight.


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