Friday, October 28, 2005

You don't bring me flowers anymore...

Soooooooooooooo, finally got to see my honey tonight after a long week of him working another event.

Honest to God, we're like Romeo and Juliet. Instead of parents conspiring to keep us apart (you know how my mom feels about R--she helps me pick out cute nighties. LOLLOL), it's cars, planes and a car company that shall remain nameless, that find ways to keep us from one another.

Needless to say, we hadn't seen each other since our dirtbike trip to heaven last weekend.

I already told you that when we don't get to see each other we yakk. All the time, whenever we can, wherever we are. So we're always in touch in some way during the course of our time apart. I also told you that when we do see each other again, it's like whoa.

You realize how much you miss each other. I'd highly recommend this to couples who are on relationship overload. Renew, rejuvinate, stoke the fire, whatever. Our relationship is brand new, so that could explain the need to cling to one another from the moment we're in each other's physical presence again. I dunno. I've never felt like this, I can tell you that.

But that's what we do. We cling. We smooch. We coo. We do some pretty goofy shit. Shit I, as an innocent bystander, would crack on every chance I got, if it were anyone but me :)

So anyway, R called me this afternoon and said, "Let's hang." I said, "Ya miss me, don't ya?" He mocks me for missing him too--which I say with GREAT ease now and yes, he misses me too. I say, "You're way tired, babe." He says, "I don't care. I NEED to see you." See Dakota shiver when R gets jovially FORCEFUL. Big, girlie sigh--twirl of the hair--blush of the cheeks :)

Weeeeeeeeeeee doggie. I've got him by his baby makers now, don't I? LOLLOL. However, I NEED to see him too. Like now, I can't wait until I get in the car and go to his house because I can't wait to see him and smooch the shit out of him too. Tee hee :)

So a thought crossed my mind tonight as I prettied up (NOT an easy task for me. I need a whole lotta pretty. LOL), when do folks start to take this for granted?

I thought this crap only happened to kids in high school--certainly not to adults. I've told you my views on what my boyfriend proposal was all about. It sure as hell didn't work out that way. I've broken every rule I thought I'd made and now, I don't even care.

So when do couples lose that breathless, anticipatory, giddy feeling? When do you become so used to one another that you forget what it is to get ready for a date and be utterly, stupidly delrious, knowing you'll see one another soon?

Or does it just mellow if you're right for one another? I know with R, we have moments of complete highs, but we don't have devastating lows--not the lows I've known anyway. We have idle contentment. Like a sports car that purrs while you wait at a stoplight. It isn't shifting to high gear from 0-70, but "content" to idle and let everyone hear the rumble of the engine. Ya know?

We have times where we can't wait to ditch the world at large and be alone and then, times when we know the world at large is around us and we either chose to ignore them, or let them in.

When do the complaints begin? "I never see you. You're always working. You don't HEAR me anymore. You don't tell me I'm pretty like you used to. You don't look at me the way you used to." When does that all become the focal point, versus the stuff that first brought you together.

Do we, as humans who adjust to new surroundings, lose that anxious anticipation because we chose to, or because we forget? How do you forget that? WHY do you forget that? WHY would you want to?

I know sometimes life gets in the way. Kids, laundry, bills, housework, yardwork, bullshit crap that can't be avoided. BUT I'm still doing all of that now and STILL finding time to be with R, in one way or another. The same for him. He has a house, a demanding job, bills, laundry that's piled up to the high heavens, yet, he MAKES time. He skips the laundry so he can be with me. Like tonight. He has plenty backed up because he's been in and out of hotel rooms and hardly home. He needed sleep like no one's biz too, yet, he said, "I haven't had nearly enough Bunny time." So he has dirty man-panties--big deal, right? He can always wash them. The end of the world won't come if you have dirty underwear--pick some up at Walmart while you're on your way to see whomever it is that you should be putting first.

I've never quite known a man like R. I sure wasn't married to someone who cared as little for perfection as R does. Certainly no man has ever set aside nearly everything to spend time with me. Even when he's doing something that has nothing to do with me--he let's me know, he knows I'm there.

He was watching hockey tonight, but he still manages to include me in some nutty way.

I've learned a great many things from R, most of which is how to treasure another human being and do it freely, without owing anything but what you're willing to give. I've learned that sometimes, just letting crap go is far worth the time you'll spend just being together, talking, laughing, enjoying one another.

So here's my life lesson for today. Don't tell me you CAN'T make time for your S/O or spouse. Bullshit, I say. I know, the kids are all up in your face. Put them the hell to bed, cuz someday, they won't be anything but in college and it'll just be the two of you. Staying connected now doesn't just mean a quick bump and grind once a week. It means talking, sharing, finding the joy you found in one another to begin with.

Touch OFTEN. No, I don't mean in the carnal way (tho that's a nice perk :)). I mean in the afffectionate way. Do you have to be as goopy as R and I are? Nah--we're just sickly addicted to one another. LOL. I mean, hold hands. HUG a LOT. Smile at each other.

Go out to dinner. Don't tell me it's too expensive--go to freakin' McDonalds--pack a lunch of P B & J for, all I care. Just DO IT. It doesn't have to be something big, believe me. R taught me that too. It has nothing to do with money spent, gifts that are expensive. I learned about that on our convertible rides. it brings me a peace I've never known and it's five bucks in gas. Okay, maybe ten with the prices these days. Whatever. Does it matter if you're together?

Call each other on the phone. You might not do it everyday. R and I might not always do it everyday forever either, but DO IT. On the way home pick up the friggin' cell phone and say, "Hey, whassup? I love you. I thought about you today." Or just say, "Just wanted to let you know, I'm on my way home to YOU." It doesn't have to be a grand gesure. Just a small effort.

There are a million things you can do to be connected in the smallest of ways. That's what R is good at. The little things--they added up and made this cynical heart melt like an ice cream in the Texas heat. I don't need a tennis bracelet. I DO need to hear about his day and for him to hear about mine.

I think I feel so strongly about this because it's a rare gift in life to find the person you just know is the perfect fit for you and to let it all fly the hell out the window because you have dirty clothes. It's kinda retarded, if you ask me.

I thought about that tonight as I was getting ready and on my way home from R's and I remembered what it was to not be so treasured. To be taken for granted and I'm SURE I did the same in return. Some of it was due to circumstance and some of it was what I allowed life's events, (like laundry), to take from me too. My last relationship would have never worked even if we had done the little things--probably because I didn't feel this kind of emotion--this kind of love.

We all love each other in different ways. What works for one couple, may not for the next, but it will ALWAYS work if you make time, in your own couple way, to be together.

I have no intention of repeating my past mistakes. Not by a long shot and I fully intend to make as much effort as R does, to keep right on skipping the damn load of whites, ignoring the dirty dishes, letting the grass grow to new and unusual proportions, for as long as I'm on this ride.

Cuz ya only go 'round once.

I wanna go 'round, laughing and smiling like a loon, smooching and holding someone's hand--not holding my basket of laundry :)

Dakota :)


  • At 1:25 AM, Blogger Jaynie R said…

    I think when you're actually living together, that's when you lose some of that anticipation. If you see each other every night then you get used to it - you know that no matter how busy the day, or how annoying the kids, that when bedtime comes you get together and hang.

    All 3 of my kids are finally sleeping through the night 4 times out of 7 - but I'm still tired *g*


  • At 6:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    For us, it's gone through stages from blazing to mellow in several cycles, but there's always been the need to connect - with words, with a pat on the shoulder, catching his eye across the room and knowing what we're both snickering about inside, etc.
    There isn't a constant inferno needing to play UNO, but there is a feeling that the day just hasn't been "right" if we haven't seen or heard from each other.
    I think it comes from being married to my best friend.
    (29 years and counting... slowly upon occasion, but still counting!)

  • At 6:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That's what it's all about. =) Isy

  • At 9:42 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Jaynioe? So noted, but it's still good to hang out :)

    Fuzz? you're my inspiration and so is Isy :)

    DC :)

  • At 1:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ugh.... you SO like me!!!!! LOLOLOL

    That was a very lovely way of putting things, Bun. And you're very right. Before last night, I was becoming a wreck. Work was stressing me out HUGE, which is why I wanted to make sure we saw each other. After last night, and our hanging out tonight, I'm SO relaxed and calm. I know playing UNO has this affect, but that's not it. It's just the calm you get from spending time with someone who's your island. I know that when we're together, there's no demands, no pressure, no BS... we just enjoy each other's company... UNO, or no UNO. And that can just make the weight of the world disappear.

    So, call me sappy, shmaltzy or whatever. But you're the best, Bunny. Hands down, no contest. Right here in front of god, and everyone... I love you too, and I don't care who knows it. :)

    ~R - The Sappy Champ

  • At 10:29 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    aw, honey. Your island...very poetic--absolutely the best analogy and I'm sorry I didn't think of it myself. It's the perfect word for how I feel when I'm with you. UNO or no UNO. LOL

    I love you too, honey :)

    Dakota :)

  • At 10:03 AM, Anonymous Paula said…

    making time for each other is how we have managed to stay married for 25 years.....

    even tho Gary is phone-a-phobic.

  • At 11:49 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    and all I know is this--it's clear where you both butter your bread--even after 25 years. It's what we ALL hope for :)

    Dakota :)


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