Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Oh, Cabana boy...

So, I'm having a pool installed. I fondly call it the pool of the century--we might be shooting for the pool of the millennium the way things are going.

Okay, so when I sold my home in Jersey--it had a GREAT pool. Inground and all that good stuff. All of the nutty stuff that happened during my divorce resulted in me choosing to move to TX and selling my house in Jersey. Partly because the living here is so much cheaper--it sure wasn't cuz I thought Bubba or Cletus would be good man material. LMAO

I'm a Northern girl--born and bred and TX is like a far off land where I don't speak the language (y'all fixin' ta go?) and REAL pizza is a lost art between Dominos and Pizza Hut. Nonetheless, the homes here are really cheap compared to Jersey. I sold my 2300 sq ft house for almost a half mil. I bought Castle Cassidy, 4070 sq ft for (brand new) around 285,000.

Yeah, I wasn't kidding, huh? I can work anywhere as long as I have Internet, so moving was a logical thing to get more bang for my buck, yes?

Anyway, I wanted my sons to have what they lost and lived without for a very long time in Jersey. My career had begun to take off and I made out okay between the sale of my house and the fun stuff that happens in court when ya get a big 'ole divorce. For the next seven years, until they move out, I intend to bust my ass to make sure they live the way they would have had I remained married. I don't care what happens to me afterward. I don't care if I have to buy a corrugated box and live on the sidewalk and keep my stuff in a shopping cart after they move out. By hook or by crook, they're gonna have what was yanked out from under them if I have to 'ho for it.

I'd better hurry up too, cuz I'm hangin' ten in more places than one. Could be bad for business. LOLLOL

The pool.

That's part of the yanking process that occurred and I'm sure you think it's damn silly of me to want them to have these things. It may even seem I'm spoiling them, but it's a pride thing with me. I'm fiercely proud, ridiculously independant and I don't want anyone's help, but I do want to provide my sons with what they had.

So now, we have a pool being installed. Right now, as we speak. And for almost as long as I've been blogging. LOLLOL. The initial start to the pool began in July and it goes on and on...

All I wanted was simple pool. It isn't as big as we had, but I signed on for the package deal. Waterfall, 8ft deep, 17 x 34. Not a big fricken' deal, right?

Au contraire...I do believe I'm at the point where I may well fill the pit in my backyard with some water, slap on my thong and hit the waves filled with the muck at the bottom of it because I'm THAT frustrated.

Not a single thing from the first slice of the shovel in the TX soil has gone right and I'm fixin' to lose it, y'all

The pool guy.

He's very nice, but it would seem he should be under Hospice care with all the injuries/allergies/ravaged skin diseases/broken ankles/pins in his foot/and various issues he has. Oh, and he has a twenty-something son who offers to help me out if I need relief in the area of sex with someone who still goes to the skate park at regular intervals and uses the night time formula of Clearasil. He can, after all, last all night long. Lovely boy, no doubt, just a little too "dude, pimp my ride" for me. He's a real cleavage fan too and as sports illiterate as I am, I KNOW that ain't a baseball team. LMAO

So, with my turtleneck on, a tube of Clearasil, oil for the wheels of his skateboard, some soothing skin balm, and Claritin, I head out to the backyard today to find that yet again, we've failed another inspection.

"Really?" I say. "How utterly unexpected." Hear my snort?


Um, we've failed several and I do have to say that some credit is due to the pool guy. He did have the permit that approved the plans that the city now says are no good. Apparently, the decking is now too close to the fence. Naturally, the decking was peachy keen when it was APPROVED by the inspection dept in this fine state of bbq and roadkill.

Like I said, if it wasn't one thing it was another.

The rain...

... falls mainly on the plane. The planes of TX, that is.

And we've had much of that in the month of July, hence, I did have water in the bottom of the pool and considered slapping my float into the big hole and taking a bit of a dip. The ONLY thing that stopped me was the thunder. LOLLOL. It delayed a lot of stuff for us AND it helped us fail an inspection. Yet another heartwarming, moving, experience. The inspector was here to inspect the wiring--not the three feet of water in the pool that would have been pumped out when they sprayed the gunite into it. I think I called him a stupidhead over that.

So I got a pool. Sorta. It has a really cool waterfall. No water, but really, who needs water to comeplete a frickin' WATER-fall??? I can sit the hose in it and let it spray in an upward arc of rainbow colored, crystal droplets. No big deal. I hope to do that before Tx has it's first snowstorm ever in freakin' September. I'm convinced that's what will happen the moment this is finished.

However, I fully intend to skinny dip at least once before this pool of the century has to be closed for the damn winter.

I'll let ya know if the neighbors petition to have it removed from my backyard for public nudity.


DC :)


  • At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Paula said…

    Gads, you make it sound like Dumb and Dumber are installing the pool....well, maybe that is what happened to them....LOL

    I told my family that you were digging in, and they informed me that our next family vacation had better be the Lone Star State.

    Gary said to be sure that R approves all cabana boys or I'm not allowed to peek.

    I did remember to warn you that the pace of the South is a wee bit different than the North didn't I?? I mean speaking too fast is not that big a deal, but expecting efficiencies is something else entirely. The thing to do is to hold the local TV consumer reporter over their heads like the Sword of Damocles....it works wonders here.

  • At 6:26 AM, Anonymous Sheryl said…

    Dayam babe, you don't seem to be having any luck with that pool do you?

    Maybe you should get the cabana boys to build it? They could build it quicker and within the guidelines!!!

    Hope you get it completed soon.



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