Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Crazy little thing called love :)

Oy.

I wasn't sure if I would blog about this, just cuz...well, I don't know why. I just wasn't sure I would. My life is sometimes public, but I've never before talked about the seriously personal stuff until I met R. I didn't broadcast my divorce for many moons. I cracked wise about my dating life and the potentially disastrous idea that I'd never have sex again, but I just made tons of jokes--I never got too serious.

Nowadays, I'm like a walking advertisment for spilling your guts. I'm pathetic, is what I am. LOL. R knows how public my life can be at times and he knows that I'd never spew anything terribly personal--like ya know, the size of his nether parts. LOLLOL. I'd never make a public mockery of him--well, not unless he fucks with me. Then, it's ON. LOL

However, I'm suspecting you all knew this anyway, it's just therapeutic for me to write it. So he can go blow if he doesn't like it. LOL. I'm kidding :)

I'm pretty crappy at expressing myself--we've talked about this, yes? I could probably fill hours and hours at some therapists office, talking about my innermost hangups. I got 'em. Who doesn't, right?

However, I got them aplenty and sometimes, they interfere with what's most important in life. I've gotten better at telling my friends how much they mean to me, and STILL, I struggle unless it's in the written word. In light of the fact that I promised myself I'd try to do less hiding and more saying what's most important so I never have to say I missed the op, loud and proud--here goes.

Could someone get me the Hefty bag and I'll clear out my intestinal track first? I'm sooooooooo not good at this. LOLLOL I'm not at all ashamed about how I feel. I'm just a big, honkin' chicken.

Okay, so R and I go for a convertible ride last night. He has the new Pontiac Solstice and it's way hot. 20k--loads of stuff included. Sweet ride, cute as hell. Pontiac can send the advertisment check to my home address, thank you. LOL.

I so love these rides. It's quiet time not just together, but in my head. There's simply nothing better for clearing my head--soothing my frazzled nerves--giving me the time to appreciate a full moon and a bunch of stars dotting the sky.

So, we do all the stuff we do whenever we're together. We hold hands, we smooch at stoplights on back country roads. We laugh. We ride in a comfortable silence.

Well, last night we smooched at a stoplight and R made a confession...

He's really a woman..

ROFLMAO. I'm kidding. Honest.

He told me something very important. I, after a moment of processing--sheer terror--complete panic, returned the sentiment.

It was nothing I didn't already know, or forced myself to admit to only me and my mirror. But it was hearing the words--validation--confirmation, that made it very real. It wasn't that I didn't expect it, but I didn't expect I would give those words up without a real fight. I honestly thought I'd have my tongue ripped from my head via some rusty knife before I'd say it out loud. However, it slipped from these damn lips of mine like drool and only after a moments hesitation. That hesitation was more about making sure I'd heard the words correctly and didn't make an utter ass outta myself returning them, only to find out he'd said, "I love this new brand of radiator fluid."

Like I said, it wasn't something I didn't know--it wasn't something I didn't expect because when it's right--it just is, but--well, I don't know, just but. LOL. I knew virtually from the moment he came to my house, sat on my couch and put his arm around me. Affirmation continued there on after. R didn't really have to say the words, because it was clear to me. We joked about it often--we teased each other over how pathetic we are about one another, but we didn't say it out loud.

So--we've done it now. This romance, that has been anything but typical--has come full circle.

And I'm going to say this very publicly because thus far, it's brought me good karma and I'm practicing my self expression skills while I'm at it. I'm saving SO much greenback by blogging. LOL

Hookay, here we go :)

I am in love with R.

I love R.

Dakota loves R.

R loves Dakota too.

There isn't a single soul on earth who understands me better and likes me anyway. There isn't a single soul on earth that I understand better. I'm always happiest when we spend time together, yet I don't ever worry about what he's doing when he's doing his own thing. I never feel threatened I'll lose something or he'll be angry if I have a serious deadline to be met and I can't spend time with him. I know, I just have to say the word. In fact, my writing is better and far more productive than it's ever been since I met R. I'm never happier than when we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie and it doesn't matter what we watch. It's contentment like I've never known and it never fails to make me sigh.

No one can make me laugh like he can. Sure as hell no one can kiss like he can and no one knows exactly what I need, for whatever frame of mind I'm in, quite like R does. He was my friend first, and he let go of the attraction in favor of being in my life. He was patient. He let me freak out and sorta run in circles when we got more serious. I don't know that he knew exactly how serious this would turn out to be either. However, he was fully willing to let it happen. Where as I was clinging to my long bungee cord of fears, sorta swaying in the breeze and every once in awhile, he'd come along and give me a little nudge.

R has a way of making me admit that sometimes what you want, isn't necessarily what you NEED. He's a consummate stratagist and he just does stuff when it's right--versus on impulse. It never fails to leave me feeling comfortable instead of knocked upside the head.

He's so many of the right things for me, that it's almost spooky, but hanging out with him, knowing his head like I know my own is like coming home. It's sharing space with someone and I don't have to give up anything to do it. It fits like that last piece of the jigsaw puzzle I once blogged about. It's like it's always been and at the same time, like something brand new. It's acceptance. It's as easy as breathing.

So there ya have it.

Without qualm--no hesitation--no joking around--no reservations--in the most serious of moments--very publicly and with only a smidge of a squeak in my words--I love R.



DC :)

8 Comments:

  • At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Awwww Bunny. :)

    I say this too, without hesitation or reservation: Ditto.

    LOLOLOLOLOL

    You know I couldn't just let you throw it out there without giving you a little nudge. ;)

    ~R - The Champ Who Loves DC.

     
  • At 8:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What a wonderful blog entry from someone who made doubt and self-preservation an Olympic Event!

    I'm so very, very pleased, Dakota, that the Champ came along and has been able to restore your faith in mankind - literally!!

    And Champ... thank you for recognizing the fantastic person that Dakota is - and for having the patience, perseverence, and deviousness needed to love Kota and to attempt to stay one step ahead of her......
    :)
    Fuzz

     
  • At 10:39 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    LMAO off, Fuzz. Ever the counselor, eh?

    Thanks for hanging tough with me. You RULE :)

    Honey? You soooooo love me. Neener, neener, neener. LOLLOL

    DC :)

     
  • At 3:40 AM, Anonymous Paula said…

    I am so happy for both of you! This keeps reminding me that happiness comes along unexpectedly and with wonderful results.

    No matter how crappy my day is, I can smile, knowing my dear friend has found happiness.

    Gary said to tell you that he thinks Rob should still have to have to be vetted by him and Charlie, but I think it's probably too late for that..LOL

    Besides, anyone who can keep up with you, has charmed Mom and the boys, and puts up with this intrusion into his private life must be a helluva guy.

    Now that the confession is public, do you feel better D?? Face it. We ARE your therapists, darling...

    Love by the buckets to both of you,
    Paula

     
  • At 4:56 AM, Anonymous Sheryl said…

    Kota, babe, I am sooooo deliriously happy for you.

    I would do handstands and cartwheels too but if I did that, I'd end up killing myself because it's been years since I was able to do them.

    R, you are the man, I'm glad you and Dakota were able to find the happiness you both deserve.

    Hugs to you both,
    Sheryl

     
  • At 8:46 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Aw, P. My gary is always looking out for me, huh? No vetting--it can get ugly. LMAO. Thanks, sweetie :)

    Sheryl? Darling? Don't even think twice about the cartwheels--It'd hurt me just to watch you do it. LOLLOL

    DC :)

     
  • At 12:42 AM, Blogger Jaynie R said…

    Hey Rob - remember when you pop the question to get her a tiarra - Dakota needs more than just a ring *snerk*

     
  • At 12:35 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Actually--I'd kinda like my pom-poms back when he asks me to be his next door neighbor. LMAO

    DC :)

     

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