Thursday, August 04, 2005

MILF

Know what that means? Mother-I'd-like-to-f$&k. Most commonly used by younger men, when referring to an older woman (yes, that's ME. 38, thank you) and how hot she is. I had no clue I was one. I had no desire to be one. I didn't know an acronym for one existed until I began dating. I wasn't much sure how I felt about it either. It was kinda like the sexy lips comment--just bizarre. I have so many labels as a result of my dating, but by far the MILF thing was the most surprising.

OY

I've been called that in like a bazillion e-mails on the online dating site I had a profile with. I specifically stated no one under like 32 and every 18-31 year old from far and wide tried to get me to change my mind. "I can last all night," was one of the most prominent e-mails I was the lucky receipient of. And I'd always say--wow, stud, good on you--because the other half of the night, you'll be doing a comatose, tired MILF. All night? No thanks. I need sleep to ward off the wrinkles I'm sure will befall me when I wake up the next morning after a night of unbridled passion with a freakin' 18 year old.

I turned them down gently, like any good MILF would do. With a nurturing, loving slap in the head. I'd often say our life experiences just weren't the same--they'd say they were really mature. So while they were pimping their rides? I'm already paying for mine and I can;t pick you up at the skate park for our date. Just not my thang. I couldn't imagine dating anyone who was in the same generation as my oldest son who's 15.

I had some pretty hot, young studs want to rock my world too and I kept thinking. WTF are you thinking? have you not seen the latest model of a 22 yr old female? Hard bodied and ripped came to mind. My body sure as hell didn't come to mind. "Oh, but you have EXPERIENCE," they'd say. yeah, that's me. Ms. Carnal Know-How. Er, no. I was married to the same person for 19 years--I met him at 16--married him at 18. My experience was limited to one man for many, many moons. These kiddies were looking to the wrong older woman if experience was what they wished to garner. Yeah, I write erotic romances, but I don't live out those imaginings. Well, not yet, anyway. Tee hee :) My imagination is VIVID, my "been there, done that"--severely stunted.

Nonetheless, once I adjusted to my MILF status--I thought it was kind of flattering--and yet, kind of freaky because I noticed my sons friends were beginning to see me in a different light too. What about my sagging ass screamed hot to these hormonally laden CHILDREN? I'm okay in the preservation department, but I certainly won't win a body beautiful award anytime soon and if I do--it's cuz I have a MIRACLE BRA and I wear it WELL. LOLLOLLOLLOL

So, my youngest son is eleven today. I can't believe it. I can't believe my oldest is 15, acne riddled, kinda girl crazy, awkward and dorky--lookin' to pimp MY ride. Yet, at the same time, very much a gentleman. He opens doors for me (cuz, I have the money in this relationship) and yesterday when we met his counselor for school, he immediately jumped up, shook his hand and introduced himself. I nearly shed a tear over his manners, right there in his junior high. I was so proud that even if he's kinda dorky at times--for the most part, he's a real gentleman.

Today, when I told my youngest son that he'd been wished a happy birthday by the fab chicks on the group I share with my other two author friends--he immediately said, "Well, I have to thank them." Then he set about posting to them and wishing another friend of mine well too-- because they share this auspicious day.

Okay, so I'm a little proud that even though we've had a year from hell, they pretty much lost everything they owned, lived in a teeny-tiny apartment for months with my mother, moved half way across the planet as far as they were concerned and STILL learned to behave like young gentleman. I'm beyond proud that somehow in all that mess they're still, overall, good kids. GREAT kids, in fact.

Of course, ask me that when they're screaming at each other because one of the two ate the last Oreo cookie and the war of the worlds has just broken out in the pantry over it.

However, I gave this MILF thing some thought and I wondered if my oldest son had an MILF in his life? Some poor, unsupecting mother of one of his friends that he secretly lusted for.

I'll kill him. LOLLOL. I can't ever remember my brothers friends looking at my mom that way. it's disturbing at best. I think I probably would have hurled if one of my friends had viewed my father like that. My skin crawls just pondering it.

What's the lifespan of an MILF, do ya think? How much longer can I hold onto this new possiblity for a tiara? Do they have an MILF pageant, ya suppose? That would be beyond cool to be able to slam dunk my 41st tiara as an MILF, ya know? snort

Anyway--it's my youngest sons birthday today--he's 11 and this MILF is holding on for as long as she can, because if the years keep passing the way they have so far-- I'm going to be a GILF before I know it. LOLLOLLOLLOL

Dakota :)

11 Comments:

  • At 10:17 AM, Anonymous Erin the Innocent said…

    LOL

     
  • At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You have two wonderful sons that you can be very proud of! Congratulations for raising such gentlemen in this day and age.

    Hugs,
    Bonita

     
  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Thank you, sweetie :)

    DC :)

     
  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger Karen Scott said…

    Dakota, I hope when I get to 38, I'll be somebody's hot MILF!!!

    You'll have to post a photo, so I can best assess your MILF-alicity!

     
  • At 12:01 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    snort--I'm only a MILF in the eyes of young men who have severe eyesight issues. LMAO

    I would post one--but I have no clue how. My pic is on the Changeling site, though. It's not the one I used in my profile--however, it's one of them :)

    DC :)

     
  • At 12:22 PM, Anonymous Paula said…

    Please tell your two sweeties that I said hello! They are adorable - even when my son is not hanging one of them from the balcony by his heels.....LOL

    You must have done something right - I believe it is called "instill a healthy level of FEAR" into your children so they won't act up....I was much too nice to mine.

    Now I have an unemployed college graduate, her b-f and my nearly 17-year old all under my roof fighting over the last hot dog. OY.

    Your boys know just how tough it was, and really appreciate what a great mom they have. Hopefully they will remember it for many years to come.

    Paula

     
  • At 12:36 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    thanks, sweetie :) I'm doing my best

    DC :)

     
  • At 3:28 PM, Blogger Angela James said…

    Josh was so happy when we had Brianna so he could finally proclaim me a MILF. And in case you're wondering, the reference is from the movie American Pie.

    Happy Birthday to Cameron, Dakota. Hope all his wishes come true each and every day.

    Just don't tell me about how fast the babies grow, k?

     
  • At 6:19 PM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Aw, angel--I won't do that, but I will tell you that it helps that Bri has a mom who will share the joy of friendship with her even as an adult :)

    Smooches, babyface :)

    DC :)

     
  • At 9:24 AM, Anonymous Erin the Innocent said…

    I don't think Dakota instilled a healthy level of fear in her boys Paula. *s* I think she instilled a healthy level of RESPECT in them.

    ~Erin the Innocent

     
  • At 9:38 AM, Blogger Dakota Cassidy said…

    Well, thank you, babe. I try. I really do :)

    DC :)

     

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