NOSEXNOSEXNOSEX!

Sheesh--I've been blog crazy these past few days. Isn't that the way? Life offers nothing in the way of anything other than the mundane and then, you're slammed with a million diff things at once.

So, I got a friend. Yes, I have many--this is a different friend than the others I've blogged about. I love my friends--I have friends for all different reasons in my life, they fulfill many different aspects. some just crack me up--some are nurturing and loving--some were fans I decided I didn't care if they never read another DC book as long as they were my friends--some are shy--some are boisterous-- some are serene and some of spiritual.

I love them all individually, for all of their varied differences. I just love people. It doesn't take much to endear yourself to me--it does take MUCH to cultivate that bond and remain endearing to me. I won't tolerate lying, nor backstabbing, nor self service. If you're my friend and you hope to gain something other than the hand I extend to you and my undying loyalty and devotion--you're barkin' up the wrong redwood.

I'll never betray you--I'll never lie to you--I'll tell you if I think you screwed up in the nicest possible way I know how to say--was it the crack you were smoking? I'll never use you to benefit me in any way, other than the joy you bring to my life.

Never.

Since my divorce I value friendships far more than ever. They've seen me through some piss poor times. They've rocked me to sleep, they've held my hand, they've given me the last bit of strength they have to offer--they've encouraged me--they've consoled me in some of my darkest hours--they've offered me the gift of laughter when I no longer had the ability to create any--they've fed my soul when nourishment was life giving--they've foisted me off on an agent--they've done so many things for me, that repaying those gifts would by far, be impossible, but I'll keep trying in the only way I know how.

So, I got this friend (Oy on my grammar there, LOL)--someone I met under a different circumstance than friendship, but became my friend as a result.

I LOVE this friend of mine. This friend shares my brain. Quite frankly, that this can occur, should have every psychiatrist from here to the ends of the earth quaking on their respective office couches. To say that my mind works much differently that the normal human being--is to quote understatement psalm and verse :)

I move quickly mentally--I can zap out one liners and zingers while I paint my nails, balance my checkbook, and roll my hair up in curlers. It just is. I next to never have to think about it--I just do it.

I can remember thinking everyone thought the way I did. I came to find out, in a particularly gloomy time in my life, that just ain't so. I have incredible patience and it's a good damn thing, because sometimes, I just didn't get why no one else got it as rapidly as I did. LOLLOL So I let it ride, but sometimes, that debilitating swirl of thought in my head is just that--debilitating. However, through yet another good friend, I learned to channel it--now I write it--amuse people with it--crack wise with it.

So this friend is as close to the above stuff as anyone has come. This friend can keep up with me in a way no one else can. We totally get each other. We totally connect on a mental level that surpasses any other realtionship I've ever had. I thought we only connected on a mental level.

Sometimes, I'm just not as smart as my IQ says I am...

This friend of mine is a man. He makes me laugh harder than anyone has ever been able to make me laugh--it's the ying and yang thing. He totally knows almost always what I'll say next--as I know what he'll say (neener, neener, neener). he anticipates my next move much the way I anticipate others. I have 20 different scenarios all at the ready in my head and I wait, watch, then move in for the kill. We're a great deal alike. We talk about everything--we click like castinets at a Mexican hat dance--we hardly ever have a serious moment--I can't tell you what would happen if something serious happened and we had to like actually NOT find a way to make it funny...

Like I said, we laugh a lot. We haven't known each other long--just about two months, the first half of which has been spent (on my part), deciding that we were best off friends. We're so much alike that there wouldn't be any surprises. I'd totally know what to expect from him all of the time. We couldn't have any knock down drag outs because we'd know what pissed the other one off and avoid it.

It just doesn't make for hot, sweaty, gnarly makeup sex, ya know? See my COCK blog if you want to know what I mean by the sweaty stuff. LOL

I'd rather have him in my life always, than risk the chance that we might become involved, not work out, and end up hating each other. I'd just never be the same again--I can't imagine a day without him in it. We are sickly attached to one another. We have a chemistry that sort of involves many, many things, but wasn't necessarily physical on my part. That's not to say he isn't very cute--he is--I just have so much fun with him, I figured the whole sex thing would complicate stuff. I didn't want to risk screwing a potential lifer up, ya know?

Well then, WTF???

So me and this friend are all joking about me actually finding a boyfriend and utilizing my rusty, outdated bedroom wiles on someone. I explain to him that I have like packages to offer a guy. Sort of like package A entails a one night stand--B--exclusivity and sex on a regualr tri-weekly basis and a Victoria's Secret card. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

It was a JOKE--a JOKE. Oy.

He opts on for one of those packages--and it wasn't the one night stand. I didn't believe him.

That was Saturday--Sunday he's still as serious as I thought he wasn't on Saturday, but totally willing to let it go if I opt to.

I'm all like freaked out come Sunday night--I'm going to lose my friend if I'm not careful. I don't want to lose my friend--not the one who leaves me howling, doubled over in laughter. Not the one who totally steps up to the plate when I have a flipped out moment that involves my sons--not the friend who calls me everyday and Im's me all day long and into the night. Not the friend who knows me better inside my head than anyone can ever hope to.

I'm a little panicked--hell, I'm a lot panicked because taking this to another level involves sticky emotions that could end up in stickier partings of the way.

But then, there's this half of me that's all like stupidly smiling and completely warm and fuzzy and it's pissing me off. I'd firmly relegated him to the NO SEX corner of my pile, but a KEEPER nontheless. So we do what we do best. We talk about this--this THING we have going on. He explains how it all started for him--he explains how he feels about me. I explain my hesitation. I explain my fears. I also secretly kinda wanna give in.

Yes, that's what I fricken' said--I want to GIVE IN.

A LOT.

The more we talk about it--the more it evolves--the more the "friend" I had on Friday becomes attractive in a new, decidedly different light.

I told him he's fucking with my CHEE. I was all on the path of righteousness and he comes along on his fricken Schwinn with the horn on the handle and causes an accident--thus, detouring me from my path--which was to date every man I could get my hands on. Crap, Friday I wasn't even thinking about shaking his hand, let alone kissing him. Now all of a damn sudden, I can't think of anything else. I get e-mails from the men I was interested in and they no longer make me smile the way they did two days ago. Not like his do anyway. Stupidhead. LOLLOL

I also told him that now that he's fucked with my precarious balance in life--if and when we do suck face--it damn well better be ELECTRIC, cuz if one of us gets all tingly and the other doesn't, I am going to BLOW OUT HIS PRETTY SCHWINN TIRES!

He's very understanding--he's very patient. I know I've exhausted him. I do that inevitably--he's just lasted longer than the average man--I'll give him that. He hasn't swayed from his POV, or his intentions about me, but he doesn't try to sway me either. He just lets me be a neurotic mess--then makes mean jokes about it. Smart ass.

We're still laughing about almost everything. We talk now, more than ever. However, when I see him next we're going to get this crap out of the way. I'm going to NAIL his ass but good. I'm going to kiss the living shit out of him whether he likes it or not and if it isn't stupifying, I'm going to punch him. HARD. Black eyes and broken noses may ensue. NOT mine, thank you :)

He, after all, DID start this. It's only fair he should be cornered like the animal of prey he now is.

I think I need my head examined. He's totally not my type. Now all of a sudden he's all I can think of. I swear by all things carnal, I'll kick his ass if he's twisted my knickers into this wad only to find out sex isn't as close to my libido's horizon as it's been fooled into believing.

I hope he reads this--I hope if he does he shoves that smirk right down his throat. LMAO.

Now that I've blogged this--I'm sure I've doomed myself like my last ill fated lethario I was so freaked out about. We saw how that ended. I never got the kiss and in a later e-mail, I told him to piss off for being such a weenie. I don't want that to happen this time.

This will all come to a screeching halt and I won't have my friend.

I swear to GOD if he messes this up, I'll kill him.

LOLLOLLOLLOL

Dakota :)