Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Hey, Sexylips!


I cringe when I read that in an e-mail. I get them everyday.

lemme explain.

I joined an online date site--work with me before you snort at me, k?

Hookay, so I work at home--my life is spent on the comp or at the grocery store with the occasional hog-wild trip to Walmart.

Not a date to be had in the feminine protection aisle there.

Can you feel my desperation? Never mind. I'm sure it's palpable.

So, I did the unthinkable in most minds. I joined an online dating site. I figured it was high time I got out and met someone other than my postman--who isn't that cute, but lovely, really. I mean, you can talk to your girlfriends, right? but it just isn't the same as male companionship. It isn't a hottie buying you a cup of coffee while he tells you how beautiful you are, ya know? All that first impression stuff--the thrill of a possible kill. Hell, I'd take a semi-hottie with a BRAIN.

Anyhoo, I wrote up a snappy profile (they tell me I'm a writer) and I slapped it up on a site. I posted a stupid pic and walked away PRAYING I'd get just ONE damn e-mail.

I got 800.

yes, yes I did. I swear by all things holy and scouts honor and stuff. I really DID get 800 e-mails. From parts near and far. I don't know about you, but I find Bangladesh a tough commute--all thos camels and stuff. ICK. LOL

Okay, so I'm going to skip the part about how this came to be--cuz it's in a book now and with my agent AND a bunch of ROFLYAO e-mails with my actual replies. I write humor--you didn't think I'd not respond to someone who asked if we could have sex while someone else watched us, did you? I said only if we could invite his mother...Love, sexylips

Yep--you guessed it--it's called sexylips66 (the year of my birth)

Cuz that's my new nickname.

That's what's most often commented on in my profile on this stupid site. My lips.

My nose genuinely IS cute. All button like, ya know? But, it's my lips that garner the most attention.

You'd think I was Angelina Jolie. Yes, they're fuller, yes they are two shiny, flappy things that form the occasional WORD--even sentences when prompted, but sexy? I dunno.

My friend Michelle Hoppe explained the lip fixation to me and NOW I have complete understanding. However, for a time, I wandered aimlessly through the lipstick counter at Macy's asking the free makeover guru's if they thought my lips were sexy like all these guys did. LMAO

So--now I'm on this date site and I STILL get about 40 e-mails a day five months later. This last one just sent me over the top and I decided I'd blog about it cuz I just want so bad for Jaynie to link me to her and she said I had to BLOG more oft. So, here, Jaynie--Blog-blog-blog. LOLLOL

The e-mail that sent me over the top-- He called me sexylips--said my lips were juicy and ripe.

Now I'm in the grocers section of my local food market chain? I feel like a peach.

Is this how one would "capture my attention"? I personally prefer that someone mention my WORDS in my profile. I did write them. I CAN speak them--see reference to shiny and flappy.

I want to be wanted for my brains--even my nose--certainly NOT my lips.

So here I am blogging about my lips.

Silly men. Not all of them mind you, there IS one who's captured my attention--nary a mention of my lips :) He's too funny and he got my attention in a rather irritating way. He called me mean--he wasn't intimidated by my written profile--I like him--and he's cute--but that's for another blog...

I think I'll go e-mail "Hey, Sexylips" back and tell him I like his nostril hairs or something. Tee hee :)

Sexylips AKA Dakota :)


  • At 3:47 PM, Blogger Jaynie R said…

    ROFLAO - hey sexy lips, I may have to go and link you on my blog. Does that mean I'm going to have to teach you how to put links on your blog?

    Some guys are just...words are failing me...strange, psycho, weird.

    lol, lol - Good luck with the next dude.

  • At 8:07 PM, Anonymous Erin the Innocent said…

    Damn! I thought I was the only one who called you sexy lips.....oops nm I'm sure I'm thinking of someone else *g*


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